I came across a interesting video recently where the woman said in order to reach enlightenment you must practice self love. In order to practice self love you have to ask yourself, in every situation, even mundane ones, what would I do if I loved myself.
It was really eye opening because I literally exited a bad relationship this year after way to many night crying and upset because of being disrespected and mistreated for no reason. I said to myself, if I loved myself and I valued my emotional health and my peace of mind what would I do? Would I want to live the next lifetime, the next 5 years or even the next month doing what I am doing right now?
The answer of course was no.
When my mom died, I had been angry with her. I felt like I had spent all of my life trying to serve her and make her happy in exchange for my own joy. I said to myself, “I will never do this again.”
I bought myself a engagement ring and started to wear it to remind myself just how important I am to myself. To remind myself that I also have value. And more importantly to remind myself that when the poop hits the wall I am the only one that can clean it off.
I vowed to never forsake my own mental and physical health for the happiness and satisfaction of another person. Especially, if that other person was adding nothing to my life. Especially, if that other person couldn’t treat me as well or do as much for me as I was already doing for myself.
Some how in the midst of the 6 months I was dating this person I had completely forgotten all about that. I had even taken of my ring and forgot to put it back on.
He showed me with his actions and his words that he did not value me and I could not accept that. I couldnt accept him acting satisfies while I was not. It seemed like he went from being a joy in my life to a terror and I couldn't let it go unnoticed. I could not love him so far above myself, and want him so badly, that I would be willing to accept less than a loving and peace filled partnership. We just didn't see eye to eye and share the same ideas of what made a good relationship.
When we broke up, I told him I was tired of him being fake. He said it was ok with him. He was treating me like a acquaintance anyway, he said he didn’t want to invest in me and that I was just some woman he hung out with. He told me I wasn’t even a good friend despite all the fun things i tried to do, all the affection I tried to give all the times I allowed him into my home and into my heart. He revealed to me I was nothing to him and I realized I had never been anything to him from the beginning. Just a toy to play with until he got bored. And yes he got bored and I could see it all over his face.
Still though after basically saying I was nothing to him he wanted me to continue to give myself over to him. He wanted me to continue allowing him in my home and my heart. He still wanted me to respond to his text messages and answer his phone calls. After insulting and humiliating me he acted like nothing changed. Like I should still want to hang out with him and fill his boredom when there was nothing else or nobody better for him to do.
The tin man still expects to get served when he earned nothing and gave nothing and still offers nothing.
Love yourself more than someone that insists on treating you like a bag of garbage to be taken out when the trash truck arrives. I will walk away from you. I don’t go where I am not wanted and where love is absent anymore.
What would you do if you loved yourself?
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