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Clearing out the mind

On of the craziest epiphanies I have had over the last 2 years is that your mind can gat consumed by other peoples problems if you allow it.

I came to this recognition because I decided to step back from all the drama going on in other peoples lives and decided to really focus on myself.

The funny thing is I thought I was focusing on my needs. I was working out, I was eating "right" which is subjective. I was saving money and working hard. But the reality really hit hard after reducing the amount of drama I was dealing with trying to help others with everything and encourage others to be better.

Not being in the middle of other peoples situation and not always trying to be a heroine for them actually allowed me to be a herion for myself.

When my mom was alive I did everything I could to please her and try to make her happy and try to do everything she wanted. I was in a constant state of manic trying to fix and do and answer every call. everything from doctors appointments to pulling the hairs out of her chin had been my business since as far back as I could remember.

But I didn't realize how much that was handicapping me from having my own life and dealing with my own personal issues. Not only that but she also didn't care if i took care of myself as long as she was taken care of first.

I think back about all the time I put off doing things I had a interested in because i felt so deeply obligated to this other person. I'm not saying you shouldn't be loving and caring to those you care about, but that you have to have boundaries so that you don't go down with the ship and drown in thier problems while also drowning in your own cause you didn't take time to prioritize yourself.

I had reached a point where I was so overwhelmed with family drama I was ready to quit being a artist and just work in fast food and settle for my growing unhappiness and depression. After her passing I quickly found other family members, boyfriends, and people I thought were friends that turned out to be acquaintances, fill the empty whole she left cause I had spent so much time saving people I didn't know who i was if I just devoted that time to myself.

It took having Covid to really show me how my friends were and who i should invest my energy into. Not just that it also showed me how no one, NO ONE!! could take care of me as well as I could and that if I didn't take care of my own needs and shut down all the drama, I was never going to achieve my personal goals or improve my life.

That is when I made up my mind to stop being surrounded by takers and thieves and only be around those that fed into my life and helped me to grow.

I know, it sounds like I am calling my mom a taker and a thief but to be purely honest, she was. She sucked the life out of me and left me with the crumbs at the end of a hard day trying to pick up the pieces of what was left over of my broken spirit.

Removing the roadblocks of other peoples self made problems was the greatest decision of my life. I suddenly had room in my life to actually do things I loved doing and my creativity started to grow. I suddenly gave myself permission to just enjoy being myself and to walk away from all the negative BS.

The problem with helping people, is even when those people are asking for help its not going to suddenly make them a better person or help them to realize how they could become a better person. Example is that person that files for bankruptcy and settles all there debts and then they go start over making new debts. If they didn't learn they wont learn. Fixing people doesn't always save the person, often it just triggers them to beg for more.

Man I just had a flashback from watching the New spider man movie. No good deed goes unpunished. But the true answer to this comes in a scripture. Do not cast your pearls before swine lest they turn and attack you. You have to be careful who you help and who you put your energy into cause some people will come back to take more from you and they will feel like they are entitled to it. especially family.

Be yourself, love yourself, and put yourself and GOD first. Everyone else's emergencies are not your business unless you make it your business. It is ok to help but not to your detriment. And not those that have not earned it!



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Feb 16, 2022

For the record, I have read every post this website has to offer but, I choose in not interact until now.

The problem(s) I have with helping people/artists is investment and cutting my loses.

When I first meet you in 2011 you were a dry up well and I want to help you by offering some of my water asap. In addition to my water, I gather water from all over DeviantArt to keep it full for 6 years. When the water well finally broke, I was blamed and banned for it. During the 4 year ban period, I felt lost and rejected for no reason at all. I tried giving my water to other water wells and most of…

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