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Dragging me down!: Part 1 Clarity


So I finally finished drawing this 3 page short Tornado Alley story featuring the Tin Man and it really taught me a big lesson.

#1 Its amazing what you can complete in a short 2 hr span when you sit down and focus.

#2 Its even more amazing how other people can steal you creative energy and corrupt you ability to be in any way productive.

So let's go back in time a bit. Im going to be very transparent here cause one thing that I hate is people that hide everything and then try to act as of nothing is wrong. I have grown to be this way cause I was that person for a long time and my family is full of those people. They always hide everything from each other and don't communicate and then get mad when things are not working in their favor so they complain to someone about it instead of talking to the person they have the problem with.

BUT I DIGRESS!

So I use to have a small studio outside of my home. I paid $100 a month for it to have a room with 4 walls and a drawing desk and a book shelf.

I would go there after I got off work from my day job to draw so that I could complete commissions and projects. My mom, however, HATED that I had this space. At the time I lived with her. I was 29/30 yrs old. She always complained I needed to give her money, but when I tried to work at home to make money to give her she would constantly interrupt me while I was working demanding I do any random task that came to her mind.

It was such a hypocritical situation. She wanted me to work and pay her money for staying with her but every chance she got she would try to keep me from getting work completed. She would start early,, waking me up at 4 am every day to make her coffee after I had just fallen asleep at 2 am, cause I stayed up late every night to try to work after everyone went to bed, because if I was at home I was demanded to do all these other things that did not involve getting client work completed.

Her reasoning for not allowing me to sleep was that it was my fault, because I didn't go to bed the night before so I needed to get up when she said so and do what she needed me to do. I could go back to sleep when she was done making me do all this stuff. Which almost never happened.

So for weeks at a time I literally lived on maybe 2-3hrs of sleep a day and she did not care. In fact when my mom passed away in 2016, 5 yrs ago, it was the first time I was able to get a good night's sleep in a very long time.

I started saying to myself, why am I so mentally and physically tired. It took a long time for it to really click.

 

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