There has been a lot that has happened since updating. Dealing with lifes ups and dow. Has been hard. I lost the love of my life, Socks as she was very old and became very sick.
I miss her so much. I never imagined what it would be like to not come home to see here everyday, or not have her lay on my tummy while we watch movies, or not have her touch my face with her paw and meow at me and put at me cause she loved me so much.
I think about the day we met. She is in a kitchen drawer covered in urine. I took her home and bathed and dried her and she ran and hid for a day. Then i put out some cat food and hunted her down and she was so scared until i put her in front of a bowl of food and she started to eat.
From that day i felt like she chose me. She was never afraid again and she never liked anyone else in the house more than she loved me. All other people were just tolerated.
She would walk up and look at me with her big eyes and then just fall over with a plop to be petted and snuggled. She would sleep on my check with her face so close to mine i was breathing her little cat breath all night.
I would even way up and she would be tightly snuggle underme and i would wonder gow did you not get smoothered.
We fought like a mother and child scolding a kid for being bad sometimes but she never turned her back on me. I went away for school and when i came back she was mad for a second but then she was just happy i was back in her life again.
We enjoyed eating Jack Stack Bbq together and she loved vanilla icecream. And if I ate she wanted her dinner at the same time.
But her little body was betraying her as she entered into the 20 year mark. I could see the pain in her eyes and how restless she was as she fought to feel good when she just didnt. Her last night was so heat breaking as she paced the house crying. She had lost so much weight and her meows were so weak cause she felt weak. She was withering like a dying flower before my eyes and i could see death on her face when i looked in her eyes.
She didnt want to go. But she knew she was going to go. She looked so scared the next day when i took her to the vet to talk to them about putting her to sleep. I couldnt handle the idea of watching her suffer until her body shut down. She was only 4 pounds, skin bones and organs, and she didn't understand what was happening to her.
I held her all night and tried to comfort her but she hurt to much to sit still and sleep.
She had been sleeping a lot the weeks prior. Not really being her energetic self. And she loved when i would hold her and comfort her and her face would look so content in my arms.
I didnt want her to be in pain anymore. I knew she deserved a dignified death so i wanted to give her that in as painless of a way as possible. I know she was scared but i hope she knows how dear she was to me now that she is gone.
I always missed being around her eben when i didnt miss my own family. Dhe really showed me what love was mire than any human being i ever knew.
Rest in peace my love. God created an amazing life in you.
Its crazy how we connected even though we could never have a real conversation with words. But as they say, actuions always speak louder. She gave nothing but love to me and devotion and never disappointed me in anyway.
I never saw her even hiss at a single person but i know she had cause people would tell me she did, but never around me. I gave her the best i was capable of giving even though I know I was not perfect and i miss her so dearly.
What an amazing irreplaceable life she was.
