So I have been very happy lately. In fact I would say this is the happiest I ever been in my life. I just want to look on the bright side of things these days.
Last week I went to a little party for a friends birthday and I realized how out of place I was. 1: because I wasn't drinking or smoking weed, and 2: because I seemed to be the only genuinely happy person there.
We played Cards Against Humanity and so many of the jokes were dark and depressing or they were about taking adderall or xanax. I started to quickly realize these people were not "my people". My mind is just not in that place anymore.
Its like people sitting around laughing about their mental disability and how they cope with it. Then one of them pulled out the Pipe and they started smoking and passing it around. I never got into it. I was offered many times but its just not something I am interested in. Next thing I know they are all talking about the best high they ever had or what there favorite drug is.
I started to Question my normality.
I remember one of the girls a long time ago told me I liked clean fun. I'm into going roller skating and going yoga and dancing. occasionally having a little wine but very occasionally.
Is there something wrong with me or did having fun without getting blasted out of your mind suddenly go out of style.
My final conclusion was that either I outgrew coping with my misery by using substances like drugs, alcohol, and food or maybe these just are not my type of people.
They say misery loves company.
One of the guys I felt like was trying to blow weed smoke in my face. I don't get contact highs. Never have. The smell made me feel sick to the stomach though. He was so lit he could barely speak sentences and play the card game.
It seems like a waist to me to watch other people mistreat themselves. Especially as someone that has fought so hard to find some peace and joy in my life through self care. I say I would rather be alone and happy, than miserable with other people, but I guess others would rather be around misery than than to have to face themselves alone.