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Your lie in April

I have been watching this anime and it has really resonated with me in a major way.

The shows look and design are very crisp and clean. Each episode feels like a cool breeze in spring. Everything from the character design to the color. The writing is very poetic and the music is amazing.

It’s like someone read my life and turned it into a manga.

It’s about a young piano prodigy who has become depressed and unable to play after being trained as a pianist by his dying mother and blaming himself for her death. Then a young woman shows up in his life and encourages him to start playing piano again.

It reminds me of my struggle as a Artist. My mom being sick grew harder and harder on me over the years. I drew to make a living but never for the passion and enjoyment of creating or expressing myself. After some bad experiences trying to mentor and going to school and trying to improve my drawing abilities all while seeking my mothers approval for my efforts only to have her tell me she didn’t care, I really started to break down. I hated art and animation. It stopped being my joy and became a source of suffering where no matter what I did it was not good enough. My life revolves around her and what she thought and she old me I didn’t work hard enough and I would never be good enough and so I just used art to make money and wanted to stop drawing all together. Only problem was it was the only thing I know how to do well enough to make some sort of money.

Anyway, the show really focuses on the emotional pain and suffering that people can place on one another’s lives. Fear, is already hard enough to battle when you are insecure and trying to find your identity. Through emotional abuse and a unending craving from the approval of the one person you love more than life itself, on top of that and a person can literally crush you like you are nothing.

I am surprised I am able to draw at all. The main character quit playing piano for 2years cause it just made him feel like he was drowning everytime he played. It was a huge source of pain and anxiety for him. It wasn’t until he found a new reason to play that he was able to work through the pain and loss and the hardest part of all , guilt, that he was able to start recovering. The music was able to become a source of joy again.

The series is one of the most beautifully orchestrated anime’s I have seem in a long time. I love cerebral stories, where the main character is sorting through life

emotionally. It’s why I am such a huge fan of Evangalion. It wasn’t just a story

about a kid piloting a robot to save the world. The dark underbelly of the show was about a son seeking approval from his dad and learning it was actually ok to like himself, or even love himself. Shinji had to learn what was important in life, a reason to live, and to even care about the lives of others. All the fighting and religious reference was superficial but also helped create a interesting story. The real story was one where there was no real enemy, it was only beings trying to live and or learn to live in a world where everyone felt emotionally weak and vulnerable. Everyone carried the burden no matter if they were young or old. And everyone had the capability of hurting one another, or disappointing one another. No one was immune. It was the rawest for of the human experience.

Anyway, go watch Your Lie in April. Definitely worth it.

And here is something you never knew about me. Before a became a artist, I wanted to be a pianist. But I wasn’t allowed to take lessons in school. So I gave up and started drawing. I was the same age as the kids in this show, and all I did was play piano day and night by ear. I was discouraged from seriously learning and walked away from it at the age of 13.

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