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Life updates 40x40

I had been thinking hard about my 40 by 40 goal and wanting to lose so much weight by the 40th bday but I know these things take time.

The harder i thought about it the more I realized this could take more years than I want it too. It’s already going on 3 years since I started this process. I had gotten so frustrated and restrictive with my diet this summer. Then this weekend I was outta town Wizard World Chicago and had been eating out only to find I still dropped weight despite no exercise and not even eating 100% perfect. My body just did it’s own thing. When I came home my clothes fit looser than when I arrived. Sometimes I just don’t understand my body at all.

I did think about how it’s been since November 2015 when I started this process. In this first picture it was spring 2015. I remember being so frustrated and unhappy. My shoulders ached a lot cause my bra cut deep into them and I was trying to find padding to stop it from cutting me. I finally found these silicone protectors but they made my skin chafe when wearing them. But at least it wasn’t cutting me anymore. I was struggling with my moms illness and I wanted to give up everything and just disconnect myself from my whole family because I had no support and felt like everyone hated me. I felt just so unhappy and overwhelmed by everything.

This weight loss journey as it turns out has not just been about dropping weight but recovering from years of emotional abuse from family and learning about myself and what I like. Building confidence in myself and seeking to just be ok with who I am. It’s been about acceptance that I’m not perfect and neither is anyone else. There is no greener grass anywhere. We must make our own green grass right in our front yard and take care of it.

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